Monday, July 27, 2009

Trying to Find New Motivation

Hey ladies. Let me answer your burning questions. Yes, I am still running (lack-lusterly, but still doing it) and yes I will blog here again...apparently today. Tee hee.
So let me tell you about running lately. It's hard. I'm not feeling it. I haven't felt this off with running since I started 5 years ago. I don't know what to do about it. I HAVE however come to a conclusion as to why I think it is that it's so hard. It all has to do with how running began for me. I started running because I was asked to be on a marathon relay team with some ladies that I worked with at the hospital. They wanted me to run 5 miles, and the farthest I'd ever run was 3. The thought of 5 scared me to death. I happened to mention that to my friend Lori, and she immediately started writing me a training plan. I thought, "Seriously? A training plan? This girl is nuts." Then not only did she write it for me, she became my running partner to make sure I did it. I ended up breaking my toe playing soccer and couldn't run the race, but I really liked running, and the whole 'training plan' thing was growing on me, so I decided to keep with it. When I started running I couldn't even run an entire mile without walking. About 5 months later we were running 6 miles without stopping pretty easily. That's when Lor mentioned that she was going to run 10 miles to her mom's house one Saturday and I said that I'd like to tag along. That run was insane. I didn't have good shoes. I think I killed 3 toe nails. It was longer than I'd EVER run before, AND we got caught in a blizzard during our run. I got home and Jared looked at me and told me that I looked like a homeless bum. I was soaked, tired, and freezing cold. I was also hooked. I loved it. Even with all the craziness. The way I felt was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I loved running long distances.
After that run Lori convinced me to run more and more. A race here and there. I commited to a half marathon. Then I figured she couldn't run her first full marathon alone, so I'd better tag along...and our running partnership was cemented. Running became therapeutic, physically, emotionally, and many times spiritually. Lori and I went from being friends to being best friends. Then Erin came into the mix. We loved having someone new in the partnership. She just slipped in and wormed her way right into our hearts. Thus the tres amigas were born.
Then 2 years ago, school took Erin away from us. She's not far, but 2 hours is too far for a 5:30 run. I was sad, but it was back to Lor and I, and we just kept running. Then 1 month ago, school again (evil schools. what's with this education thing anyway?) took Lor 2000 miles away. Do you hear that? It's my motivation for running deflating. My partners in crime are gone. Pfffft.
I have had wonderful people step up and let me run with them since Lor moved. I have convinced other people to run at 5:30 in the morning with me at times. But my heart's just not in it right now. And I don't know what to do. Bleh. It's not that I'm not grateful to have the people to run with that I do. Because I AM grateful. If it weren't for them I wouldn't be running at all. I know I wouldn't (because on the mornings I'm on my own I haven't gone). I think I'm in mourning. I've been left behind. I hate feeling like I've been left behind. Grrrrr. So the question now is what do I do from here? Do I keep running because that's what I do? Or do I revamp? I'm thinking maybe some time spent focusing on weight training and speed training. All I know is that right now running makes me sad. And I hate that.


Lori said...

aww friend. it's true. i am ever so grateful you asked me to help with your 5 miler. i remember the day we ran 6 miles for the first time and then of course the crazy 10 miler. I still can't believe you ran that in HIKING BOOTS. you failed to mention that. Silly girl.

Running was so much more than actually RUNNING and I think that's why it is beyond hard for us right now. Thank you (and Erin) for making running something that meant something to me. I miss it, I miss you, I miss Erin, I miss everything, I miss very much so.....

Bleh. stupid 2000 miles away. :(

Domestic Goddess and her Hero said...

Helping the hopeless? is that an inspiration/motivation? just kidding, I'm not entirely hopeless. just a little. I need to know what and how to speed train. I did hike on Sat. instead of running on friday. I hiked faster than I have in about 12 or 13 years. We should go. Waterfall canyon is hard but fun, and I didn't grumble too much. Let me know if you want to hike it. I've been more willing to go on hikes than I have ever been before.

Kristin said...

OK. Well, what you do is run with Trina and I whenever you possibly can. I am just going to start BBing you every time we are going to go and if you can, then come! And, honestly, you do NOT have to put on a happy face to run with us because I know that if I were in your shoes I would probably go home and cry every single time. If you are sad to run with us, we understand--you know we do. Sooooo, please come with us. I know it is hard, but you love to run and eventually it won't be sad anymore. Promise.

The Ball Babies said...

Oh, honey, I know what you mean. I'm feeling a lack of motivation right now simply because the summer is coming to a close for me, Alyssa is in Utah for the semester, and I have a case of the blahs.. So, Bill and I are trying something different- P90X -
It's a butt-kicking good time with pretty good results so far. I still run a couple days a week, but it has brought me out of my rut that I was starting to decorate...Try it, you might like it!